The Bully's Brain
07/23/10 13:19
Bullies are wired differently than most other folks, and that's not good.
Neuroscience has determined that most bullies have brains that are wired in a way that encourages and sustains their abusive behavior toward others. However, this is not a "get out of jail free card" that places such people in the "I couldn't help myself" category. After all, we know that the neurological structures in our brains are, to a considerable degree, "plastic," meaning that they can be modified by changes in behavior. Translation? Most bullies can change if they want to.
Now, all of us have pleasure centers in our brains; areas that are activated in the presence of certain external stimuli. For instance, there's chocolate. If you're a chocoholic, so to speak, then just thinking about the stuff will activate the pleasure center in your grey matter. Of course, there are countless triggers in this regard, although many of us respond to typical ones — certain foods, erotic stimuli, particular music, humor, etc.
However, brain scans show that bullies get pleasure from seeing other people in pain. In other words, their pleasure centers are activated by thinking about or observing someone who is suffering. And, of course, many of them are more than willing to create that suffering themselves. You reach for chocolate, and a bully reaches for your throat, so to speak.
Now, if you're a decent type, this may leave you incredulous. How can somebody feel good by making somebody else feel bad? There's far more to it than brain chemistry, of course, but in some way that we don't quite understand, bullies are neurologically predisposed to being the intimidating, hurtful people that they are. Are they born this way? Do they learn it from childhood experiences? We simply don't know. It may be a combination of factors — a neurological predisposition to bullying along with particular development influences, such as been physically abused as a child.
How common is this apparent predisposition? Again, we don't know for certain, but a 2007 Zogby poll indicates that over one-third of American workers report being bullied on the job. From that we can infer that there are plenty of "bully brains" out there.
What we do know for certain, however, is that it makes a bully feel good when he or she makes you (or anyone else) feel bad. Armed with that knowledge, we can defend ourselves more effectively than by simply striking back or, inversely, being intimidated.
What to do?
You may want to re-read the chapter on "Engaging Hydras" in Beast Management (pg. 191). The strategy called "Stroft" is very applicable to interactions with bullies, particularly those in the workplace who have positional power over you, like your boss.
But the important thing is to not feel bad (or, at least, not show it) when a bully is working you over. After all, a bully's power comes from his or her ability to make you suffer. If you don't, or if your discomfort is not apparent, then that power evaporates, at least over time.
Granted, if a bully observes that he or she is not getting the best of you, then further escalation may occur. The bully may intensify his or her efforts to cause you distress. But, generally, this effort is short-lived. If you can appear largely unaffected despite a bully's repeated efforts to make you feel bad, then it is likely that he or she will give up. That can take some time, and there's nothing pleasant about this "extinction phase," but it usually works.
Now, if a bully in your workplace is a peer, you could also employ "pattern interruption" (see the chapter on "Interrupting Vipers" on page 135). To have their fun, bullies rely on you to be predictable in how you respond to their attacks, and if you demonstrate that you won't go along for their ride, they are far more likely to leave you alone.
Look at it this way. If you don't give a bully what he or she wants — to make you suffer — then you are helping that person re-wire his or her brain in a good way. Don't expect them to thank you for it, however. It's just not how they're wired.
Now, all of us have pleasure centers in our brains; areas that are activated in the presence of certain external stimuli. For instance, there's chocolate. If you're a chocoholic, so to speak, then just thinking about the stuff will activate the pleasure center in your grey matter. Of course, there are countless triggers in this regard, although many of us respond to typical ones — certain foods, erotic stimuli, particular music, humor, etc.
However, brain scans show that bullies get pleasure from seeing other people in pain. In other words, their pleasure centers are activated by thinking about or observing someone who is suffering. And, of course, many of them are more than willing to create that suffering themselves. You reach for chocolate, and a bully reaches for your throat, so to speak.
Now, if you're a decent type, this may leave you incredulous. How can somebody feel good by making somebody else feel bad? There's far more to it than brain chemistry, of course, but in some way that we don't quite understand, bullies are neurologically predisposed to being the intimidating, hurtful people that they are. Are they born this way? Do they learn it from childhood experiences? We simply don't know. It may be a combination of factors — a neurological predisposition to bullying along with particular development influences, such as been physically abused as a child.
How common is this apparent predisposition? Again, we don't know for certain, but a 2007 Zogby poll indicates that over one-third of American workers report being bullied on the job. From that we can infer that there are plenty of "bully brains" out there.
What we do know for certain, however, is that it makes a bully feel good when he or she makes you (or anyone else) feel bad. Armed with that knowledge, we can defend ourselves more effectively than by simply striking back or, inversely, being intimidated.
What to do?
You may want to re-read the chapter on "Engaging Hydras" in Beast Management (pg. 191). The strategy called "Stroft" is very applicable to interactions with bullies, particularly those in the workplace who have positional power over you, like your boss.
But the important thing is to not feel bad (or, at least, not show it) when a bully is working you over. After all, a bully's power comes from his or her ability to make you suffer. If you don't, or if your discomfort is not apparent, then that power evaporates, at least over time.
Granted, if a bully observes that he or she is not getting the best of you, then further escalation may occur. The bully may intensify his or her efforts to cause you distress. But, generally, this effort is short-lived. If you can appear largely unaffected despite a bully's repeated efforts to make you feel bad, then it is likely that he or she will give up. That can take some time, and there's nothing pleasant about this "extinction phase," but it usually works.
Now, if a bully in your workplace is a peer, you could also employ "pattern interruption" (see the chapter on "Interrupting Vipers" on page 135). To have their fun, bullies rely on you to be predictable in how you respond to their attacks, and if you demonstrate that you won't go along for their ride, they are far more likely to leave you alone.
Look at it this way. If you don't give a bully what he or she wants — to make you suffer — then you are helping that person re-wire his or her brain in a good way. Don't expect them to thank you for it, however. It's just not how they're wired.